nothing

I have not written anything because my dating life as come to a complete halt.
I haven't even met anyone new. And I am actually ok with this. I am taking some much needed time to just be with me, and learn that being with me is ok.
Sounds cliche but when you have been in a long relationship you often forget your sense of self. Everyday you live for the other person. While this is fine and dandy, I am too young to not know who I am.
Sure I know who I want to be, and things like that. But I am working on wanting those things and being ok with achieving them by myself. Not worrying about how the next stage in my life is going to affect my partner.

I am proud to say that I have gotten to the point, where I am not constantly wondering
if I made the wrong choice by choosing to complete leave my ex alone. We had a discussion and he understands that this is something that I need to do. I am taking this day by day.
Today I'm ok if we don't get back together any time soon. Tomorrow is open for questioning.

on repeat

For the past few days I have had Bilal Think it Over, and Fantasia Bittersweet on constant replay. These are two songs explain exactly how I have been feeling. Have to listen to them both.

I do not like beating on a dead horse sometimes, so I have come to a small conclusion that right now I am taking some time for me to be with me. That means I most likely will not be going on dates. If I meet a guy that I just cant seem to refuse then, I may pursue a date, but that is no longer my objective.

I need to have some me time. I have explained this to Him, and I don't know how he took it, or is taking it. But his feelings can no longer be my priority right now. Mines are my main focus. After years of being with someone then jumping right into dating, I need to learn how it is to be completely alone. After I perfect it, I will then decide if I want to go back to the relationship that I left.

Sure circumstances are different now for my relationship, it is no longer long distance which I believed played a huge part in its down fall. And now the other person is starting to feel how I once felt, and may change their ways( notice I said may, because I know I cant change anyone). However I am young, and need to be with me. My life is changing in more ways then one. Although I am sure Him would have helped me with the changes that are arising. I need to adjust to these things on my own.

While I am sure Fantasia's Bittersweet will continue to play in my head all damn day. I am starting to become OK with the choice I have made. About staying single for a while( who knows how long that will be). If I do decide in the end that Him is who I really love and want to be with, then I will let him know. If he shoots me down, of course I will cry like a baby, but I'm sure their will be someone out there for me that God wants to be for me.

Here again

I am back to the feeling that maybe one day Him and I will be back together. Right now I am being selfish and taking time to explore. I don't know if this feeling is because we were finally able to talk about various issues and I feel that I could have went back to him. But I still want to be single for a while.

I am constantly thinking about what some of my friends would say if I went back. That's one reason why I made the choice. But then I remember an Arabic proverb I read that says friends give advice in the best interest of them. Meaning I can only take their opinions for face value. The ultimate choice is mine.

I am the one who was in the relationship and knows every story and every detail. Outsiders are only feeding off of what I told them or from the point of the relationship that they came in on.

But what if I am forcing something that may not be as inevitable as I think it is. I keep telling myself to wait another month and see where my head is at. If I feel I need another month then take that month. If its true love it won't die, he will be there. But then what if it is true love and he is not there....

this song

this song has touched me this morning in more wys then one( stole from concreteloop.com).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhN4IYQH-RY