oh btw

maybe im back....

so I haven't blogged in two months. Like I said in the beginning, I'm more of a blog reader, then an actual blogger. But hey....

I mostly have not blogged, well becuz....will get to it


So I maybe back, I say maybe because its hard for me to keep up with stuff. I'm a Pisces, meaning I'm dreamy....always changing my mind. But one reason why I am back is because I often talk about how I am feeling to my number one confidont...Lee...she knows who she is. Plugger: sorry to all my other loves, besties, etc. I love you all just as much but for some reason I am drawn to talking to her thru bbm about everything. Back to the program..... well I sure she's not feeling this, but I understand when people get tired of hearing an issue or reoccurring theme. So i may write now just so I can reread for myself and "hear" myself.

But anyway, I am no longer single. Even after the loving single moment I had, I am some how back with the same dude. I know I KNOW! after all he bullshit right. Well this love hate thing we have is something serious, and shaking it is 100% easier said then done.

well that's all for now, I just wants to share....I'm sure no one is reading but that's cool. its just for me :)

nothing

I have not written anything because my dating life as come to a complete halt.
I haven't even met anyone new. And I am actually ok with this. I am taking some much needed time to just be with me, and learn that being with me is ok.
Sounds cliche but when you have been in a long relationship you often forget your sense of self. Everyday you live for the other person. While this is fine and dandy, I am too young to not know who I am.
Sure I know who I want to be, and things like that. But I am working on wanting those things and being ok with achieving them by myself. Not worrying about how the next stage in my life is going to affect my partner.

I am proud to say that I have gotten to the point, where I am not constantly wondering
if I made the wrong choice by choosing to complete leave my ex alone. We had a discussion and he understands that this is something that I need to do. I am taking this day by day.
Today I'm ok if we don't get back together any time soon. Tomorrow is open for questioning.

on repeat

For the past few days I have had Bilal Think it Over, and Fantasia Bittersweet on constant replay. These are two songs explain exactly how I have been feeling. Have to listen to them both.

I do not like beating on a dead horse sometimes, so I have come to a small conclusion that right now I am taking some time for me to be with me. That means I most likely will not be going on dates. If I meet a guy that I just cant seem to refuse then, I may pursue a date, but that is no longer my objective.

I need to have some me time. I have explained this to Him, and I don't know how he took it, or is taking it. But his feelings can no longer be my priority right now. Mines are my main focus. After years of being with someone then jumping right into dating, I need to learn how it is to be completely alone. After I perfect it, I will then decide if I want to go back to the relationship that I left.

Sure circumstances are different now for my relationship, it is no longer long distance which I believed played a huge part in its down fall. And now the other person is starting to feel how I once felt, and may change their ways( notice I said may, because I know I cant change anyone). However I am young, and need to be with me. My life is changing in more ways then one. Although I am sure Him would have helped me with the changes that are arising. I need to adjust to these things on my own.

While I am sure Fantasia's Bittersweet will continue to play in my head all damn day. I am starting to become OK with the choice I have made. About staying single for a while( who knows how long that will be). If I do decide in the end that Him is who I really love and want to be with, then I will let him know. If he shoots me down, of course I will cry like a baby, but I'm sure their will be someone out there for me that God wants to be for me.

Here again

I am back to the feeling that maybe one day Him and I will be back together. Right now I am being selfish and taking time to explore. I don't know if this feeling is because we were finally able to talk about various issues and I feel that I could have went back to him. But I still want to be single for a while.

I am constantly thinking about what some of my friends would say if I went back. That's one reason why I made the choice. But then I remember an Arabic proverb I read that says friends give advice in the best interest of them. Meaning I can only take their opinions for face value. The ultimate choice is mine.

I am the one who was in the relationship and knows every story and every detail. Outsiders are only feeding off of what I told them or from the point of the relationship that they came in on.

But what if I am forcing something that may not be as inevitable as I think it is. I keep telling myself to wait another month and see where my head is at. If I feel I need another month then take that month. If its true love it won't die, he will be there. But then what if it is true love and he is not there....

this song

this song has touched me this morning in more wys then one( stole from concreteloop.com).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhN4IYQH-RY

I am at a...

...crossroad that only I seem to understand.

And I guess that all that should matter....


Today I was given my new phone by Him. Which meant I had to see him. We met at McDonald's because going to his house would not have been good for me. Its too comfortable. We discussed a lot of issues that were around when we were together and when were in the limbo state that we were. We discussed when things start to turn for the worse, and how things might have gone there.

We came to the conclusion that he wants us together and will not have us any other way, and I don't want to be in a committed relationship now, although I don't want him out of my life. All and all this was the hardest good bye of my life.

I am still confused about everything. There are a few thoughts that keep popping in my head. The main one is that maybe we will get back together someday. After I am done finding out if this is really where I need to be( in terms of being single).

I realize that I have been painting a picture that everything was bad in my relationship although for a while we were in a very rough spot and choose to end it. But after being with someone for so long, its like a marriage and I don't believe in divorce.

So I am at a cross road, in terms of what the future is for me and him. Right now we are no longer at all, and it pains me. But at the same time, after 5 years being single is a nice change. Meeting new people with out having to feel some type of way about it is nice.

Maybe right now I need to explore this life a bit more, before I jump back with him. And maybe after time has passed my head will be more clear.

But I cant lie and say I don't miss him tho.... He is still my love.

yup so

Thursday night I made plans with Car( i really want to say his name that is how annoyed I am), to get some drinks after I got off work.


I worked a 10 hour shift, and was very tired but after work I got myself ready to go anyway. I text him when I got out and he responds a half hour later. I tell him that I am by my job( which is very close to where I met him). He ask how long would it take to get back to BK, because he is in his house in Midwood. [ sidenote:I thought we had planned to meet when I got off work, why are you just chilling in the house.] So, I say 20 mins. I ask where in BK did he want to meet. I suggest downtown or in Fort Greene because that is easy enough for the both of us to go home after. [side note: I am assuming he still has a car,even if he does not, every train is down there.] He ask if we could meet in East Flatbrush....ummm that is no where near me, I cant even take a train from there back to my house. So I'm guessing he wants this to be convenient for him, screw the female that would have to get home at what ever hour with a little liquor in her system.



So I let him know that it is too far. He ask about meeting Friday, I had already told him I was going out of town, two day prior. Im not going anywhere but I did not want to double book. I remind him that I am going out of town. He proceeds to grill me and ask what time would I be back( while I am asking if he wanted to pick a better location, or if he wanted to bother at all). I say late, heres the doozer, he then says will you be free around 7. Now...if I said I will be getting back late, does that mean more on the lines of 7 pm or maybe 10-11 pm. Just saying...



Moving on.... He then ask where will I be going( what...is that any of your business, your not coming). I ask again( this all takes place while I stand by the train entrance) if he wanted to go out tonight. He says how long will it take me to get into BK.....DAMNIT did I not already say 20 mins. He says too soon hes not dressed. WTF, what the hell was he doing the whole time we were going back and forward texting.



Finally feed up I tell him, we will have to make plans for another time at a later date. Basically me saying deuces you are dismissed.



I can take the lateness of Mr. A, even Jersey hooking up his friends( he wants everyone to be happy, can not completely knock him too much). But silly stuff like what Car pulled is a big fat NO. Sorry....


in the words of my beloved B.Scott..... Bitch Boo Bye

Disclaimer

First, when I read back on some of my post, I think I may sound a little harsh...or judgemental of these men. This is not what I am trying to be. I do point out their good qualities and their bad. Plus I have to make this blog juice, otherwise you all would not care. So here is what I have to say about the two men that I am still(i think) talking too. Mr. A, some of you have meet him and have given me good reviews....thanks I like him too. Jersey, he is a real cool dude, and I am looking forward to meeting him later today( that's if it is still on...). That is all I have to say about those two for now

Second....I think I fell in love with a garbage man that was riding the back of the truck down Fulton street on my way home from work. Crazy, I know, but would you all have me any other way.



Third...please remember that I am not a writer, so excuse the grammatical errors....muah

Is this not about you and I....

Two post ago, I explained that I plan to meet up and have my first date with Jersey that did not involve other people. He asked me to cook, I don't cook on Saturdays but I said maybe, depending on how the date goes. Friday comes and I ask( all via text) what were the plans for Saturday. Shorty says I thought you were going to cook. Ummmmm.



So basically shorty made no plans for us....despite him saying he wanted to show me a good time. smdh Its not like I was expecting much, drinks or even a movie would have been fine. I don't seem to understand. Why ask someone out, and not make plans. If you want to wing it, then say that,I would have no problem.



I moved past that, we tried to make plans the day of but it never worked out...but this Friday we have plans to go to a party....I am sure he will know other people there so I will bring one girlfriend along that he has not meet(get to that in a minute) just in case I get ditched.....which will really " grind my gears"(cue family guy).



Now here's the reason why I have to bring a friend that he does not know. The past two times that I have meet up with him, he has been trying to hook his friends up with my friends. That is all he seemed to be concentrated on. Even on the day we were suppose to meet up, he asked if one of my friends planned to join because his friend wanted to see her again. Like is he serious. He does not even know me yet, why is he not focusing on trying to get to know me instead of hooking up his friends with girls that are clearly not interested.

I just don't understand. That has been a turn off, but being who I am, I am going to give it another shot. Despite trying to be Mr. Matchmaker, he did introduce me to a nice spot. If he ask me if my friends want to talk to his friends again, I will have a problem. Because that is not cool....at all.

I hope we can finally have a first date...

I just want to say

God places people in you life for a reason, the reason may be discovered until years after the person has entered, and maybe left, but there is a reason.

This past week I have found the reason why God decided to place certain people in my life. For those who were there for this past week, where I learned thing about a person that I thought I knew better, I want to say Thank you. I needed each and everyone of you all shoulders and ears. Although this person is like kyptonite for me. I want to thank you all for the advice and encouragement.

Besides learning why some people are in my life. I am relearning that often the heart doesn't follow its leader, which the dictionary calls the brain.As I sit and listen to the playlist I have made especially for this situation( currently listen to Torn by Letoya Luckett, I have always liked the song, but now I love it). After all that has happened, basically me finding proof for something that I knew, the heart is still tugging at the thought of at least listening to what he has to say. Why, I have not a clue, sadly I still love him which is not good right now. I still have this maybe in the future thought that pops up every now and then; despite all my efforts to suppress it and ignoring speculations of my friends. The thing is, no matter how much I love him, part of me knows he is not for me. ( currently listening to Not Anymore by Letoya Luckett, this girl is on it) For years I spent time with someone who once made me happy all of the time, but at some point this person changed, or rather maybe showed his true colors, which in turn made me sad. Yet for some odd reason(not really) I still care, I save all of the text so I can re-read them, if he doesn't call I begin to wonder....

Basically I am at a place of limbo, I don't know what I should do. I know that I do not want to get back into a relationship...NO...but do I want speak to Him, do I want to speak on the phone or face to face?

I need to decide.

Finally some action again

Besides this job I have that consumes me, I have not gone out on any dates. That was until this past weekend

Well it was not really a date since I was with my friends, but Jersey invited me. He introduced us to a nice chill spot in Brooklyn. My friends and I are definitely going back there before the summer is up. The nice thing about Jersey that day was that he brought my two friends and I drinks. Nice of him since he didn't have to and certainly didn't have to buy them a damn thing. He claims his purpose is to show me a good time. Which he did in a way since everything was free and the vibe of the place was real nice.

The next day at the mih BBQ, we meet up but didn't speak for long. Everyone from Brooklyn was there. Had to mingle


Now on to the next man...

I meet a guy who I will name Car, on my way to work the other day. It was raining outside, so I barely had time to speak to him. We were suppose to meet tonight when I got off of work, but he backed out claiming the weather was going to be bad. He's from Miami, and I'm going to assume he doesn't really understand NY weather. Lighting without thunder and clouds does not always equal rain. And you cant not completely trust weather.com.

Maybe we can meet up sometime soon, although Saturday I am suppose to spend the day with Jersey....

Oh and btw, I have not had my make up date with Mr. A. Although he maybe slightly scared of my now. After I found out about Him, I called Mr.A and told him that he needs to set a date for us to go out then fuck the shit out of me. If he doesn't then we are no longer speaking. Yea I know it was crude but I was mad, and I need to have sex bad. Real good sex, my mind and body needs to be calmed down in the best way possible.

men....are theyreally worth it

So I found out something devastating things about Him, so bad that I cant deal with him any more. He has broken my heart yet again. And to think, I was considering putting an end to my single life and actually give him another try in the future. But that of course is now down the drain.

My main pet peeve is that, everyone knows what you do in the dark will eventually come to light. Me and Him are not together, so there was no need for him to hide stuff for me. He should have just come clean about all of his lies. He honestly had nothing to lose. Shit I would have respected him more...but now fagetabotit...

I don't think I have ever been so mad before in my life. I refuse to go into details about it, but I'm sure some of you have figured it out.

The funny part is that he is still trying to contact me. When there is honestly nothing left for us to say to each other. Sure he has somethings of mine, but I have already made arrangements for them to be picked up or dropped off by a friends house. so I no longer have to see his trifling ass.

I am going to end here and pick up again later because I am starting to get mad all over again. But I will leave with the best line I have ever heard by my dear friend Abebi Subria( had to name her because I told her to patent this phrase). " Niggas are not even worth a pile of my own shit...I'll save it for the toilet".

BEST LINE EVR

i like him...i really do

So, I like Mr. A. I really do, but he is pissing me off with his lateness. Now I am a notorious CP time kind of girl, however I am never as late as he is. I get it, he has to take his family places, they come first. But when you make plans with someone do not run 3 hours late. The first time mmm maybe, second time I'm bugging for even agreeing to go out. Third time hell no.

Granted he does inform me of why he will be late while it happens. But I'm a sick of it always happening. I know I should have said something and I thought I did, I guess I didn't make my point known well enough. I guess it is because I like him, but damnit I do not like waiting for stupid amount of time. Sorry. Scratch that I am not sorry.

Well Mr. A, I have been trying to be nice me, now I am going to have to let you see a little more of me. And I'm sorry you are probably not going to like it...

A venting moment...

So the past few days have not been the greatest for me. I know some of you read this blog to see who I am going on a date with and what crazy adventure I might be going on. But today I just need to get a few things off my chest....


1. I want to say thank you to those who talked me back to reality when I was about to back slide with Him. For a quick second, I somehow gave him control while he was venting and I let it go to my head. Well I am back now and still single.

2. I recently got another retail job( I tried my damnest to stay away). Well lets say, although I
am glad I have a job, I hate it already. I took the job because I needed a part time gig since I will be going to school at night and have an internship on top of school. The main reason is because I need some money.

Here's my problem, what is the purpose of working to get money, if you don't have time to buy or do the things you want. Since you don't make enough money to pay your bills and to buy clothes for work, and you work too much to even enjoy the fruits of your labor.

As a part timer I always work the closing shift. Meaning I go in at 2 and do not leave until 9. After spending 7 hours on my feet, I am too tired to do anything. I can barely watch TV.

Tonight a few friends were going to a free party, I got dressed and ready to go, when I realized I had to be to work the next day, and then I started thinking of all the things that I needed to get done, and then I thought about the bills I had to pay, then I thought about how I don't make enough money. By the time I finished thinking of everything I was too depressed to go any where.

WHAT A HORRIBLE LIFE!!!!

I know I am having myself a pity party for now, and I am sure that next week I will most likely not give a fuck and just go out. Since I cant let this horrible job control my life. But right now....its not happening.

sorry for not posting more

This new job of mines requires me to work stupid hours like 2-9 everyday...so much for a summer for me. I'm praying everyday that a better job comes along, QUICK.

But anyway, this job is putting a damper on my men meeting :-/. However I do have some good news, a friend of mines will be setting me up on a blind date. Well, I don't know how much of a blind date it will be since she claims I've meet him before. But of course with my memory I most likely wont remember what the hell he looks like. (BTW if anyone else wants to set me on a blind date I'm down with it) We are suppose to be double dating with my friend and her boo. With this crazy schedule of mines, who knows when I will be able to have this date. URGHHH

This is will be my first blind date ever, and I don't really know the rules. Is it like every other date. I don't know what to wear!!!! Should I wear something black...mmm not in this heat. OK so color...but what color...so much to think about. On top of finding the time for this to happen.

Besides my potential blind date, Jersey and I might be meeting up on Sunday(one of my only days off this week). There's some kind of BBQ in prospect park...the exact plans haven't been made to a tee yet. By Saturday they should be and of course I will let you know.

Last but not least, my friend and I are having a singles mixer next Friday the 23rd from 6-12. Message me if you or a friend would like to come.

That's all for now, I will try my best to update more...as soon as I get my new phone( who knows when that will happen).

umm yea

so jersey had our mual friend ask me if he could have my number....I told her yes, and shortly after the sent me a text....hmmm.....

There's more going on in my life, but right now I need time to sort some things out...

should I?

So I was reading today's post over at untiligetmarried.com, and the blogger talked about women going for be the guy that doesn't call and ignoring the guy that does. This of course got me to thinking.

For a couple of days I have been thinking about what may have happened with Jersey, see a few post below. Well after a third brief text conversation, he did not hit me back up. While this is OK, (maybe I should just chuck it up) I find myself thinking, why hasn't he text back...or even more...should I text him( the last "conversation" ended with me tell him to hit me up later, meaning the ball was in his court...right?). Would I look like the thirsty girl if I were to hit him up with a hi, or would I look like the girl that may be interested in him....idk.

Then after reading the post, I thought about what happened with 6'9. He consistently called me almost everyday and I did not answer his calls. Granted, I no longer wanted to talk to him because of the strange "date" we had, and if it had happened to be good I probably would have continued to see him. However, I could have given him another shot, or at least answered his call and not have placed him in the thirsty box. He was obviously very into me, where as Jersey is not(or so I think).

Well, I will hopefully learn from this, and next time I would give it another shot, maybe....

But here is my question, should I hit up Jersey?

shame

This will be a quick post....

A couple of nights ago after partying, I went and fulfilled a booty call with Him( got needs people). Well he didn't have his car so I ended up spending the night. ( I will post later about my feelings on that) So in the morning of course, I have to go home...but wait....I still have on my short behind dress from the club the night before..... :-O!

So, I had my first walk (or cab ride) of shame. With his sweat pants, hiss tee and my pumps, I took a cab back to my house. smh....

its been a long time

Damnit!

So I met up with me ex ex...(get it). We went out to eat, but before that he came inside my house, and he started to do all the things Ive been wanting him to do.

Here's the deal with him, we were together for a good minute, but we never had sex(although we did do other things, if you get what I mean). But we have remained close since our break-up, although we have not seen each other since.

We talk to each other about A LOT, damn near everything. So to see him again and spend time with him was real good. Although I always try to act like I don't want us to, you know,do that do...I really want to( notice its still in present tense). Things would have gone down...if it wasn't for the cock blocking of someone I call mother.

But its OK( not really). Hopefully it will happen one day, or maybe its just not meant to be....


By the way, while out to eat, 6'9 called...again..for like the 100th time. I have not answered his calls in damn near a week. This time after he called, I had my ex ex call him back. HAHAHA, well sad to say that broke 6'9's heart. He even expressed his feelings on facebook. Lame...

I don't understand how someone could be so attached when we have only gone on one date, and had one real phone conversation. I guess that unbelievable quick peck I gave him goodbye sent him through the roof. Poor thing.

just a thought

I had a brief and I mean brief text conversation with a dude, and since then things have seemed to fizzle out. While this is OK, I find myself wondering why. This one, although I do not know him well, seemed to be different from some of the others.

I won't go into details about why it might have fizzled out( I want to, but something is telling me not to....if you want to know just ask me personally). But I will say this, although I am well traveled, college educated, well read to an extent, and have a good head one my shoulders, do not assume I know everything. Forgive me, but how is a person suppose to know about something, if they have not been taught or even shown. Instead of making a face or judging based upon that, explain to them what it is. I am sure there are a few things that they can teach you too.

I used to be the type of person who would right someone off with a quickness. Now I know you maybe thinking, "what about CM". There is more to that story that I posted but unfortunately had to take down. And I have been considering giving him another shot, at least on a friendship level( yea I said it, to those who know the whole story).

But back to what I was originally saying. People need to start learning from each other, and introducing others to things they may not know. I'm sure not everyone wants to be taught, but as the teacher at least you did your part.

Just a random thought....

I've decided.....

I am going to try and cool out on meeting new people...scratch that I mean men. I'm always up for meeting a new movie partner, or girlfriend to gossip too. But I am cooling for now on the new men. I think right now I am dealing with my fair share of them. Lets see there is Mr. A, Him( a girls got needs), possibly Philly dude.

This decision has come from the two first "dates" I had with 6'9 and CM( who had the nerve to text me at 7 this morning...7, out his damn mind). They were tragic, and I don't know if my mind can take much more of the foolery. Although I have not had a first date with Philly and definitely not Jersey, judging by the conversations thus far, I do not think they will be total disappointments--there is always potential for disaster.

Well it is July 4th weekend coming up and I am sure that I may meet a guy or two, but I am going to work on leaving the conversation at the bar,club,restaurant. Unless of course there is this unbelievable spark that has me sooo drawn to the person....then I will break my decision....and hopefully only then.


BTW....my friend and I are doing a singles mixer in the next few weeks. Hit me up if you or someone you know maybe interested.

revised: if your wondering what happend to the 4th...lets just say I spoke to soon... hey ish happens

no dates so far....revised

so, I haven't had any dates set up so far....

But, for some reason, the dude from Philly had been texting me faithfully the past three days. The texts have been of nothing deep. However it is weird because I meet him a month ago and this is the most we have spoken in the whole month. I was starting to forget about him. I don't really know what to say to him, one because the spark has kind've gone. If it wasn't for facebook I wouldn't remember what he looked like. Two, I don't know when I will see him next. Its not like we talk on the phone, we just have random, good mornings, or how are you text. When I do make the pilgrimage to Philly I have more important people to see. How will I make time for him too. I need to figure this out...after a few more text conversations that are a lil more deep. At this point he seems like just a friend.

Also, despite so many people telling me what to say, I have yet to tell 6'9 that this is going NOWHERE. I know I should tell him that I'm back with my ex, but for some reason since I am a loving person, I just cant seem to answer the phone every time he calls. That's right he is still calling, almost a week later. smh. And he leaves voice mails, yes voice mails. *sigh* eventually I will tell him sorry but this isn't going to work. Just a little worried of his reaction.

Oh and CM hasn't text back. Good, don't want to have to tell two people to kick rocks.


Also the same night I meet the interesting man in the club, I also meet another guy who I will call Jersey( he's from there). Well, interesting thing about him is, he just kissed me while I was going in for a hug goodbye. Now this isn't the first time I have been kissed in a party. The first time was a mutual happening. This time.....was all on dude, and I wasn't to happy about it, I mean I didn't know him at all, and as my friend says "Bam, herpes"( she silly, I know). But we are starting a text conversation. I started it.

So far he seems like a real cool dude( im serious this time)...and I have to admit, the kiss was kinda good too

HA! Funny I just spoke on the whole text thing, now I'm starting to understand. At least in the first stages of getting to know someone. Its convenient, you can hold a conversation anywhere....

Club Chronicles....1

I thought I wouldn't have anything to write about for a while, since I don't have any new dates, or second time dates lined up yet. But after experiencing some crazy stuff in the club last night for my friends bday, I decided I do some post on the craziness that happens in the club.

I'm starting to appreciate people showing there craziness from jump. Before a date, because I have had a few horrible first time dates.

Now to the meat.....

So first crazy of the night....Homie had his friend come up to me and say "its his bday, and he thinks your cute"(or something to that nature). I say happy bday n blah blah. I walk away after because I'm not really interested. But my song comes on( cant remember which one, I have a lot), so I grab him and start dancing. By then I need another napkin from the bar because I'm hot. He walks to the bar as well, and tries to make a funny...."hey I'm the bday boy, I'm pose to be at the bar" x_x.

This is when I start to shake my head.....

He tells he didn't get to examine me( whats up with dudes and this stuff), he's a doctor and this is what he does. I told him that I am perfectly healthy. *skipping a few lines*. I say well doctor how old are you today. He says...I'm not really a doctor, I'm a banker. I say why did you lie then..." that was apart of the g."....(you know sometimes I wonder). I say why lie then, its not like I care about what kind of job you have. He proceeds to tell me how he is the creme of the crop because he has no kids, a job and a car...you know I had to shut him down...I tell him that I have meet many men who make those same credentials.

Once again I ask his age, dude uses his fingers say that he is 27( why the hand gestures and not words is beyond me). I say what's wrong with 27, him: its close to 30, me: 30 means wisdom, him: I have been wise since I was 17....me: X_X.

And this is how it ends:

I say what is your name again...because I don't remember to well. He take his sweet time to think, then says Prince, I know this not his name because it doesn't sound remotely similar. I say whats your real name, a pause again, John Paul Anthony( I'm saying the name because I honestly do not think that is his name either). I ask to see how i.d. and he proceeds to give me some kind of excuse. I say I'll be back..and that was the end of that.

Why I had a full conversation with homie is beyond me, maybe it was to be "nice", since it wasssss his bday.

CM

I met up with CM. He is a cool dude, who's passionate (in a way) about his job. I learned lot about what he does, and now I kinda have a new found respect for the work( lets see how long that last). We meet up and went for drinks, I told him I was searching for the new Absolute Brooklyn and that my mother and I want the bottle to keep. So he goes and buys it for me. Great saves me money, that bottle is not little, which means its at least $13( remember im jobless). Since my mother just wants the bottle we had two cups of it. There is a drink that goes with it called the stoop- real good. By this time we are hungry and go get a quick bite to eat.

We end the date with a little kissing session. Mmmmm, he can't kiss too great, but its workable. I got to feel his body. Now I know I'm not all that in shape-but, I do believe that men should have a completely flat chest, unless they are pecks, and the tummy needs to be flat or slightly round...not flubber. I know, it sounds bad to think, sorry. Well, CM's body is not really hitting it. But I guess I shouldn't be shallow. He did mention that he gained weight once he stopped smoking. (I know I am a little wrong.) Ok, I'll take the tummy, but the mosquito bites...idk. However he is cool otherwise. I think a date number two maybe on the horizon.

Before I forget, right before I got ready for my date, a guy from Philly who I meet a month ago called to say he was in town. I didn't plan to stay with CM so long, and missed seeing Philly guy. We text early in the morning, he fell asleep that night, and I for sure wasn't getting up so early to link with him. So I guess we will have to wait til I make the pilgrimage back to Philly for a weekend.

ok so(lol)

I did it, I called construction man(CM). I lied and said I was out of town, and hadn't been able to call him. We spoke about his job, amongst other stuff. He seems like a cool dude. He asked if we could meet up. I had already planned on going out but he wanted me to call when I was done. I called round 1030, no answer. He text back(mmm) like a hour later wanting to know if we were still meeting up. Hmmm lets see, its 1130= booty call hour. So I told him that I was helping my mother with something, and asked if we could link up tomorrow. I know sex is always on a mans brain, but that is way too soon. However he said ok to the meet up, lets see what happens.

Ive noticed that a few of the people Ive encountered always want to just meet up( is this another word for date), what happened to going to the movies, or drinks, or even a bite to eat. I'm sorry but I'm not that type of girl to just hook up that quick(although I have done it once, only once). But I cant completely assume that we wont do anything(CM and I), he may think of a plan. Or at least that's what I am hoping. I will not go his house, Ive done that already with 6'9.

Speaking of 6'9, he called while I was talking with CM...twice. I finally called back real late, he said he wanted to know if I got home safe( hmmm so why didn't you call that night, or even in the early afternoon). Well, I don't know how to tell him I don't want to go any further with him. He seems like a kid, and I don't know how to handle this. (suggestions would be nice)

Well, I'll see how this goes with CM. I hope I'm not disappointed.

Interesting

OK so I couldn't wait to blog about this date...lets just say it was interesting.

So, I meet him (6'9)at the train station, we went to Target to get a movie. Let me tell you, two indecisive people together is not a good mix(most of the time). Well it took a while to pick out a movie, I just picked two up and said here.

Here's question mark one... he tells me to hold one of the DVDs while he pays for the other...then he steals the one that I'm holding. Now I understand times are hard, but do you have to expose your dirt on the first "date"...damn.

Well we go to get subways(he pays), then we go back to his place to watch the movie. He has an odd living arrangement, but I won't go into that. Question mark two, he puts the DVD in but the sound on his TV doesn't work, after countless hitting of the TV and pulling out the plug, the TV finally works and we begin to watch the movie(umm...yea). Halfway through the movie he trys to start up a conversation, umm excuse me but the movie is on. Maybe its because I was already on the defense that I didn't really want to talk.

He gets a lil upset that I'm not paying full attention to him so I pause the movie. The conversation was OK until...he starts "analyzing" me (as he calls it) question 3. He checks my hair, hands, face,complexion....like really...ughhh. So then he proceeds to show me Niki Minaj...WHAT(question 4). I told him that was kinda rude, he makes up an excuse that I'm "sexy" like her....mmmm no. He then shows me pictures of himself on his ipod, and shows his white contacts, that he thinks are SOOOO hot...no no no! ( oh and I must not forget the basketball pics on the wall that he had to point out like I couldn't see them, and to top it he kissed himself on the arm)

I honestly dont know how I sat there and listened to his conceitedness without cursing him out(although I did become uber sarcastic). Moving on, we go back to the movie, but I can tell he wanted to say something, he asked if I was seeing anyone, I say I'm dating. Then he asked who have I been with...WHOA...I say no one you know, and I was in a long relationship...he says when did it end...a few months ago(me). He falls back like he's hurt...mmm oh well. I continue to watch the movie.

5 mins or so later he says, would it be ok if I could feel how soft your lips are....LMFAO....I told him was corny, and try again next time. He laughs realizing he doesn't have real game( or at least I hope thats what he was realizing). I leave after the movie, we hug goodbye, but I can tell he was a lil upset about the kiss. So me being the dumb chick that I am at times, I give him a peck. What the hell was I thinking you ask...I dont know. It was real real quick, when I got in the station I wiped my lips off...( I know, Im wrong).


NOW..here's my take on this....

1. Homie is way too conceited, he thinks he's hotter then a day in August. Sorry to say, his height will only take him so far...

2. I appreciate being told that I'm good looking but in a lil more classier way, instead of just saying I'm sexy all the time, expand your vocab...thanks

3. Don't show the girl your with another girl...like who does that

4. If your so big and bad, why was it so hard to lean in for a kiss, or at least come up with a better line

5. Don't show your shit so early....DAMN

so after talking to my friend, she points out that he's probably young, that's why he wouldn't tell his age....hmmmm...that could explain some stuff

Idk but I think he maybe placed in the Friend box...he has some growing to do...

Is it too late

Ok, so there is this guy I meet almost three Saturday nights ago in the train station. He works as one of the construction people. Well sadly I didn't call. I wanted to but I haven't. That would be cool if I wasn't still thinking about it. Maybe its the nice girl in me, or just a sign that I need to call.

So one of my girls suggested I call and say I went on vacay...hmmm not a bad idea, but now I would have to keep up with that lie. Is it good to already start on a lie, I mean granted I'm not looking for a love connection here but still....

I don't completely know what to do. I know that I want to call. Maybe I'll just say I was occupied or something(no that doesn't sound good). I'll call, and see what happens from there. If its nothing, I'll survive and chuck it up as another-one-bite-the-dust.

Oh and chill time with 6'9 is today. He called last night while I was out with some friends. I told him Ill call back. Got in late but called anyway just so he could see that I did. Problem is, when he called I didn't get happy at all, I didn't want to really talk to him....mmmm.....I don't know. I'll see how this goes

IDK bout this one....

OK, so the other day in Forte Greene while waiting for the bus, I meet the tallest man I've seen just walking the streets of Brooklyn. He is 6'9, and I will call him just that. Well we started up a real good conversation while I waited for the bus( he was going to get Chinese). When my bus came I decided to give him my number, since the conversation was so good.

Well, I was actually worried that he might not call...OK maybe worried is a little extreme of a word, but I was concerned. I thought maybe I should have gotten his number too, that way we both would have been on an equal playing field.

Well he did call the next day, and like I thought, the conversation started good. He had me laughing, which is always a plus. ( Did I mention he was Trini, pure breed too...mmmm). Well things were going good until.....

He added me on Facebook( Lucifer at work), he went through my tagged pics and stuff, and keep pointing out how mch he loved my profile pic. So we made plans to meet in the evening on Wednesday, just to chill a little, we are both in school and jobless. I didn't mind just chilling, I understand that NY can be expensive, esp since its not July yet(which is when the free stuff starts) .

So this is when it starts to get shaky, 6'9 starts to tell me how he wants me to dress, wear my hair and make-up for this little meet and greet. WHAT?!?!?! if your thinking that, that's exactly what I was thinking. He wants me to wear heels and a colorful top, my hair blown out and makeup( including foundation, blush, the works). All of this just to chill. I thought I was hearing things. So I interject and say, that's real iffy trying to tell me how to dress, so he the started to eliminate things, but still wants me to wear make-up( in this heat, just to chill).

Just when you think that was it, it gets even worse. Homie won't tell me his age, weird right. I asked if he was over 18, then 21, and when I got to 25...he acted as if her couldn't hear me....mmmmm yeaaaaaa.

So now I'm at a crossroad, al-freakin-ready. Like he's a great person to talk to, and he is tall...but those demands or rather request were a bit much for me. But I've decided to still go on the outing, even if its one time. This way I can decided if I should put him in the Dating or Friend box.....


Time will tell...

my thoughts...am I moving too fast...

OK, so its been three months since the end, and Im already talking to new people and mingling. It sounds all good, but Im starting to wonder if I started to early. I mean me and Him were together for a long time, and I dont know if I've actually given myself time to completely assess the relationship. (oh I forgot to mention that I actually went to see a therapist a month after the end, I think thats why Im more over it then I thought I would be). But anyway....

I don't think Ive had time to just think of only me at all times, esp since I'm already starting to like( not good) one of the people. I'm suppose to be giving myself a year to be single, then after that if something is to happen OK, if not hopefully I wont be complaining. But since I kinda like this guy..lets call him Mr. A(at least for now, details about this lata), I'm not sure about my deadline.

screw it, I'm sticking to it. And I think I'm going to fall back a little on Mr. A. Just a tad, I like him and I wouldn't mind him being there after the year mark. But as for talking to other men, mmm...maybe a date or two but nothing really more then that(unless there's some like DEEP chemistry that we both cant shake). I need to just be alone, for now. And finally get my life together...I have so much to worry about(getting a job, grad school etc), and men can complicate it all.

ok so theres my peace about that....mmmm...for now..

this will be the last time I explain this....

....well I hope its the last.

I will not name people on this, its rude to do it, and more fun to give nick names. So I will just call him...him, or at least for the time being.

ok, so here's the story that I am willing to tell. There comes a point in a relationship when you start to question why, and why doesnt have to be about one thing, or everything. Well I came to that point a couple of times in the last few months. And in the last month when we "ended", I really thought about why and concluded that I didnt want to ask the question any more...so I ended it, for real this time.

Three months later, and its getting easier, and I am more comfortable with my decision. Him and I have met a few times, and its been cool. I dont know, if he's comfortable yet tho, but in time he will...

I hope I can keep up with this

So this is my first post....mmmmm...interesting.

I've been a blog reader for a while now, I read everything from gossip sites, to dating, to life, to clothes, everything. I've always admired those who had the ability to do this. For a long time I felt like I couldn't. I'm no writer, I'm not as good as those I follow. But now my life is turning a little, and I figured this was a much easier way to tell you all(most likely y'all are my friends) all that is going on in my life, without having to repeat my story a million times.

The purpose in me doing this is because as a new college grad, soon-to-be grad student and a freshly new single girl, I am changing or learning new things about being a Woman. So I decided to document everything, so that years from now I can look back and LAUGH at all the dumb sh*t.

The thing is I've always tried to keep a journal but it never worked.....Well here goes....