I just want to say

God places people in you life for a reason, the reason may be discovered until years after the person has entered, and maybe left, but there is a reason.

This past week I have found the reason why God decided to place certain people in my life. For those who were there for this past week, where I learned thing about a person that I thought I knew better, I want to say Thank you. I needed each and everyone of you all shoulders and ears. Although this person is like kyptonite for me. I want to thank you all for the advice and encouragement.

Besides learning why some people are in my life. I am relearning that often the heart doesn't follow its leader, which the dictionary calls the brain.As I sit and listen to the playlist I have made especially for this situation( currently listen to Torn by Letoya Luckett, I have always liked the song, but now I love it). After all that has happened, basically me finding proof for something that I knew, the heart is still tugging at the thought of at least listening to what he has to say. Why, I have not a clue, sadly I still love him which is not good right now. I still have this maybe in the future thought that pops up every now and then; despite all my efforts to suppress it and ignoring speculations of my friends. The thing is, no matter how much I love him, part of me knows he is not for me. ( currently listening to Not Anymore by Letoya Luckett, this girl is on it) For years I spent time with someone who once made me happy all of the time, but at some point this person changed, or rather maybe showed his true colors, which in turn made me sad. Yet for some odd reason(not really) I still care, I save all of the text so I can re-read them, if he doesn't call I begin to wonder....

Basically I am at a place of limbo, I don't know what I should do. I know that I do not want to get back into a relationship...NO...but do I want speak to Him, do I want to speak on the phone or face to face?

I need to decide.