I am at a...

...crossroad that only I seem to understand.

And I guess that all that should matter....


Today I was given my new phone by Him. Which meant I had to see him. We met at McDonald's because going to his house would not have been good for me. Its too comfortable. We discussed a lot of issues that were around when we were together and when were in the limbo state that we were. We discussed when things start to turn for the worse, and how things might have gone there.

We came to the conclusion that he wants us together and will not have us any other way, and I don't want to be in a committed relationship now, although I don't want him out of my life. All and all this was the hardest good bye of my life.

I am still confused about everything. There are a few thoughts that keep popping in my head. The main one is that maybe we will get back together someday. After I am done finding out if this is really where I need to be( in terms of being single).

I realize that I have been painting a picture that everything was bad in my relationship although for a while we were in a very rough spot and choose to end it. But after being with someone for so long, its like a marriage and I don't believe in divorce.

So I am at a cross road, in terms of what the future is for me and him. Right now we are no longer at all, and it pains me. But at the same time, after 5 years being single is a nice change. Meeting new people with out having to feel some type of way about it is nice.

Maybe right now I need to explore this life a bit more, before I jump back with him. And maybe after time has passed my head will be more clear.

But I cant lie and say I don't miss him tho.... He is still my love.